fred-x

forever and ever

2006-05-21T14:15:00.000-05:00

I am one happy dude. I've never known this level of complete happiness before.

On Nov. 11 of this year, I will be getting married to to the woman of my dreams.

I never actually thought this would happen. A part of me wanted to believe I'd end up with someone like her, but a bigger part of me thought I would have to settle for someone and be happy with it. But I waited and it was worth it. I get to marry Jill. She said yes to my proposal on Mother's Day.

She wasn't even hesitant about saying yes or anything. She agreed to it before I could even spit the words out of my mumbling mouth. (I was a tad bit nervous)

I want to make her the happiest woman alive. I want her to wake up in the morning and think "there is no possible way I could be treated any better by my husband".

This is going to be so awesome.

twister

2006-04-15T20:33:00.000-05:00

I used to live one block from this street in Iowa City. It was hit by a tornado Thursday night. I'm glad that I don't live there anymore.

----

I was in an Easter skit on Good Friday. I played the part of Peter, and it was fun. I used to be a big drama geek, but now I don't get to do that sort of thing very often.

One thing I don't understand, at all, is why it is called "Good" Friday. It's not good at all. It's pretty much the darkest day in history. If you're a Christian, that is.

the party

2006-02-28T11:02:00.000-06:00

My sister and Jill threw Matt and I a party for our 30th birthdays. Matt and I are only three days apart.

It was a good time. We had X-boxes, A PS2 with Dance Dance Revolution, a shuffleboard court, board games, music, and a bar. There were over 80 people there and everyone had fun.

The pinata was mainly for the kids, but they weren't strong enough to knock it down, so I took my turn and nearly sent my girlfriend to the emergency room. They say I missed her by just a few inches. I felt bad. Blindfolds + a big stick + vodka shots = a very dangerous situation.

My mom, of all people, made a bikini cake.

I ate a boob, and it tasted good. Never knew they were so chocolatey!

committed

2006-02-23T09:32:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the aforementioned nascar post. I definitely think nascar is something that is very annoying to people that don't follow it. I was once there, hating it, but once I starting watching it I got sucked in, and now it's one of my very guilty pleasures.

If I ever start writing about pro wrestling, I should certainly be banned from the internet.

Things with Jill are going pretty good. We mutually decided to not spend the night with each other anymore. We aren't married, and we don't believe in cohabitation, which is essentially what we were doing. Now we are sleeping separately. I think this is a step in the right direction. Jill is missing me a ton now though, and I feel bad for her. However, it might turn out to be a good thing.

You see, the reason we are not married or engaged yet is because of her. I have not pressured her, but have made it clear to her that I am 100% ready to tie the knot. She has convinced herself that she isn't ready. I think she is ready, but she undertandably has some guilt of moving on so quickly after her husband has passed away. (It's been 13 months now) She is concerned about how others will perceive her, and that she isn't being sensitive enough to her deceased husband's family.

But now that we aren't spending the night with each other anymore, she is starting to to really miss me, and realizing that she doesn't want to be without me. So this may just speed up the whole marriage thing. Last night on the phone she said to me "I know I shouldn't say this, but when we decide to get married, let's just elope. Planning a wedding will take at least five or six months, and I don't think I want to wait that long."

Needless to say I am going to start shopping for a rock this weekend.

redneck talk

2006-02-20T23:51:00.000-06:00

5 things that pissed me off about the Daytona 50:

Ryan Newman talking in the post race interview. Man, he is annoying. Plus, it's weird to look at him since he doesn't have a neck.

Tony Stewart. This dumbass is a hypocrite and a whiner. He purposely wrecked Matt Kenseth for no good reason and could have killed somebody. Tony had whined earlier in the week that everyone was driving too reckless, and then he drives like an idiot. I guess it’s good for the sport to have a villain, though, eh?

That Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews Band won the race. Is it just me, or is Jimmie Johnson a younger replica of Dave?

singer or race car driver?

2. Jeff Gordon didn’t win, so his girlfriend (or whatever she is) didn't get any tv time after the race. (she's quite cute.)

1. That I actually watched this race, and enjoyed it.

a tent

2006-01-18T12:51:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite times of the week is on Monday nights, when Jill has bible study and I get to babysit her son, let's call him JJ. Frighteningly enough, I am the chief male role model of JJ, because I spend more time with him then anyone other than his mother. I adore JJ, and every day he says something that makes me laugh. My heart goes out to the little guy so much because his dad died, and he doesn't understand it at all and still asks about him almost daily. I personally think his dad is a piece of crap for doing what he did, but I won't get into that.

JJ is almost four, and I think it's time for him to say goodbye to some of the sissy stuff that toddlers enjoy, and start doing more boy stuff. Like I said, he doesn't have much male interaction and I might be starting to get slightly concerned. He came home from daycare wearing a pink crown that he made with construction paper the other day. I asked him if there were other colors to choose from and he told me that he wanted pink. So, "The Wiggles" are no longer allowed, that crap will turn any boy gay, not to mention drive me bonkers. Luckily, every time he asks to watch them I can bribe him by saying "let's watch Thomas the Train or Bob the Builder instead". He loves those two, along with Dora and Diego, which I can stand because Dora is totally hot.
So back to babysitting on Monday nights and doing masculine guy stuff. On the car ride home, JJ asks me if we could go in the camper. (He remembers staying in my parents camper back in August. The kid's got a good memory.) So I tell him that, if he wants, we can set up a tent in my living room. We did, and it was an absolute blast. JJ asked if we could leave the tent up for 40 days. He says 40 days for everything, and in this case I just may leave it up for that long.

redneck poem

2006-01-16T19:54:00.000-06:00

When it comes to this blog, I like to keep my anonymity. I've held on to a secret long enough, so I'm finally going to let the cat out of the bag. You may be surprised to know that I'm a well-known poet. I don't like to brag, but my compilation book of poems actually reached the peak position of 1,346 one day last August on amazon.com. Currently the books are sold out, but my publishing company has been considering a second printing.

The following is a sample of one of my more famous poems. It's not my best work, but perhaps the most honest and raw.

-------------------------------------------------------------------.

Don't Tailgate Me, Please!

Die Redneck Die!
Congratulations, you are blinding me with your headlights,
now, either pass me or stop riding my ass.
You think you are so cool with your oversize rims and tires
and your giant confederate flag decal,
but this is iowa, dumbass, and we are well north of the mason dixon line.
Not that you even know what that is.
Your rusted out pickup is still a crummy piece of shit
just like you, you piece of shit.
What's your problem fucker?
I want to stab you in the eye.
But you probably have a sawed off shotgun in your truck
and you'd shoot me with it if I tried to stab you.
I hate you and all your inbred kind.
So just die, assface, die.

This poem got mixed reviews. Actually, I don't recall any critic who was particularly fond of it, but what do they know. Here's what one of those critics had to say about that poem as he breaks it down piece by piece:
-----------------------------------------------------------

Occasionally in life, one experiences something so extraordinary that everything after is different. The sunsets more spectacular, the moon more resplendent; somehow every experience is enhanced. For the reader of the free association poem “Don’t Tailgate Me Please”, by well known agri- author Thomas J. Handorff, this is not the case. And yet the piece somehow sucks the reader in, like a two bit whore on dollar night. This is a critical analysis of Mr. Handorf’s recently published ode.

Don't Tailgate Me, Please!:

Die Redneck Die!

Here the author begins by associating the reader with the topic and subject matter to come. Obviously the poem is trying to reach out to those who might buy their wine in a box or are somehow dentally and/or perhaps hygienically challenged.

Congratulations, you are blinding me with your headlights,

It is here we are first introduced to the authors personal pain on the topic. He has obviously experienced a great personal loss, or has hemorrhoids. Critics have never been able to agree on this particular aside.

now, either pass me or stop riding my ass.

Easily the most transparent of all the hidden themes of this ode. The author appears to be referencing a homo-erotic relationship he often wrote of in other works with a “friend” named Buster. This subtle but clear declaration is characteristic of the agriculturally trained intellect of Mr. Handorff.

You think you are so cool with your oversize rims and tires
and your giant confederate flag decal,

At this point we are introduced to the author’s proclivity to relate all things to the size of his penis. This is a common literary device of the rural elite and is the hallmark of most all of the known literary estate of this author.

but this is iowa, dumbass, and we are well north of the mason dixon line.
Not that you even know what that is.

This is a diversion not seen before in literature by the iconic agrarian Handorff and perhaps the seminal line of the ode. Tom is expressing his frustration and lack of completion at the northern incursion of the 19^th century, into the southern United States. He firmly establishes himself as a Dixonian defender and indicates to the reader that for him, this northern aggression is not yet over. Most all critics have universally agreed this is the best argument yet that the author needs some sort of therapeutic intervention, and perhaps drug therapy of some sort.(The legal kind)

Your rusted out pickup is still a crummy piece of shit
just like you, you piece of shit.
What's your problem fucker?

Almost certainly a line introduced to allow the author to utilize his favorite and signature word in a socially acceptable way. Sadly, he was never able to realize his dream of adding the word “fucker” to the Pledge of Allegiance.

I want to stab you in the eye.
But you probably have a sawed off shotgun in your truck
and you'd shoot me with it if I tried to stab you.

This is undeniably the most obtuse and unresolved of all the thoughts in this angst ridden but sophomoric tome. Most, though not all, critics suggest that the author does not in fact intend to stab anyone in the eye, although personal acquaintances have indicated this was possible. The “sawed off shotgun” reference is accepted by most all Handorffian scholars as a lament to sexual performance problems/inadequacies that plagued the author throughout his formative years.(adolescence - 30)

I hate you and all your inbred kind.

The adventure takes a markedly ugly turn here when the author suggests that all those who have not fallen in line with his expectations(on any topic), have experienced intimacy with a close relative and perhaps produced off-spring. This is just plain stupid and was probably not part of the original work, but added at some later date. But it’s still stupid. I mean really, what the f*#k…..

So just die, assface, die.

I’m lost here, as are most intellectual critics. The anal reference is found in other writings by this author, but never truly analyzed metaphorically. Things are often referred to as “tasting like ass”, and people are sometimes referenced as “assface” as it is used here. This is the best argument yet that the author lives in a personal hell and is tormented by inner demons dimensionally equal to those of Poe or Van Gogh. One can only theorize that his mother held him too much, or perhaps not enough…but dammity….this guy is dangerous.

Literature is meant to take the reader to a place or experience and provide a unique perspective or analysis. This can often result in a moment of clarity or definition, after which, the reader is forever changed or intellectually evolved. No chance of that here…

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just thought that was too funny and have been holding onto it too long not to share. And actually, the critique was written by my (author) friend Rob. He was just offended because he, in fact, drives a rusted out, piece-of-crap pickup with a foot print gas pedal and a texas star airbrushed on the hood.

big bird

2006-01-06T10:41:00.000-06:00

This morning I was driving the ambulance back home from the hospital, and I saw an ostrich in the middle of the road. Maybe it was an emu, I don't really know the difference. I slowed down and said "whoa!, that's weird." Then he ran into the ditch. I'm glad I didn't hit him. I bet that's the first and last time I'll ever see a giant bird on the loose in the middle of an Iowa highway.

Later, I thought to myself "Man, I can't wait to blog about this!" Because that's what people these days do when something unusual happens to them.

I am sorry for wasting your time. I also apologize to myself for wasting my own time. Have a good day.

edit: After googling, it was definitely an emu. Emus have more hair.

emu

ostrich

30

2005-12-27T08:31:00.000-06:00

It's been almost a month since I've updated this blog. If you get out of the habit, it's hard to sit down and update. I do like to blog though, mostly for myself. Occasionally I like to look back on my old entries and know exactly where I used to be in my life, and usually I thank God I'm not there anymore.

Except right now, I'd like to stop time here for a while. I'm crazy in love, I'm not quite 30 (I will be in only 47 days), and I'm still buzzing with the holiday spirit. Everything is super-duper.

Speaking of being 30 (in just 47 days), I found an entry off my old blog from Feb. 1, 2005. At that time I was petrified about turning 30 (which I will be doing, in 47 days).

I wrote:

"There's some things that I've never done before, that I really want to do before I turn 30.
1. Bungee jump or something equally as goofy.
2. Shave my head.
3. Buy a brand new car.
4. Visit London.
5. Run my best triathlon time ever.
6. Get out of Iowa on at least five more occasions.
7. Fall in love all over again."

I aggressively took on this list, and accomplished most of them. I bungeed, I shaved my head just for the heck of it (that was my first time and it was so, like, liberating), and I bought a new Nissan Altima which I love.

I did not make it to London, but I did visit a Paris, Venice, New York, New Orleans, and Rio De Janeiro, among other places while I was in Vegas. Those casino hotels were cool.

I did run one triathlon, but I did not train as much as I should of and did not get that great of a time. I decided that swimming and biking aren't for me, and I am going to stick to running marathons. I want to run one once every couple of years until I turn 60.

I did get out of Iowa more than five times, except I mostly stayed in the Midwest, with the exception of Vegas.

And for the grand finale, I fell in love in a way that I never expected to. It's awesome. Jill's awesome for me. With her, I'm not afraid of getting older. I'm going to marry that woman some day.

Vegas!

2005-11-26T10:06:00.000-06:00

VEGAS BABY!

Dec. 17-19th. Going with Jill. Staying at the Mirage. Let's hope we don't come back married.

I'm so excited! I've been to Vegas once, and I loved it and all it's dirtiness. Jill's never been there. We're going to be there for less than 48 hours, and there's so much to do I can't even decide. Should we: (1) take a half a day to see the Hoover Dam?, (2) Gamble our lives away? (3) I could take some Viagra and we'll just stay in our room the whole time. Or we could(4) dish out the big bucks and see Celine Dion.

(1) It's a damn big dam. We might have to do this.
(2) I think gambling is pretty dumb, but that's just because I suck at it. I might spend a little time at my favorite game, Roulette. Always bet on black!
(3) I'd be up for this. Not that I need the Viagra to perform or anything.
(4) Oh hell no! No way I'm spending 400 bones to make me vomit. I'd rather throw my money away betting on the Packers to win the Superbowl or something.

I wish I could forget all about it

2005-11-23T10:11:00.000-06:00

The biggest drawback about being on a small town's ambulance crew is that there's a good chance you will know the people involved in the accidents.

The page came across as a two car head-on collision and one of the vehicles was on fire. I could see the smoke from two miles away. This was going to be a bad, bad one, and I tried my best to prepare myself for the worst. When we got there, I remember thinking I had never seen a wreck this awful before, not even on tv or in pictures. What was left of the smashed up car was engulfed in massive flames, and I could tell there were people still inside. I got out of the ambulance and could feel the heat coming from it. The firemen had gotten there the same time we did, and I just wanted them to put the damn fire out. We needed to get to those people out.

It was too late. They were being burned up and I couldn't do a thing about it except stand there and watch it. No, I had to leave. I was numb. Later at my home that night, I puked. I wish I hadn't witnessed any of it.

Three people died in there. Two teenage boys and their mother. The funeral is today. I knew them. Everyone here knew them. It's so sad.

10 things that I am pretty sure of today

2005-10-24T06:46:00.000-05:00

1. It's way too cold out.(37 degrees)

2. I'm ready for harvest to be over already. About two weeks are left, and then I can go back to having a life again.

3. I'm frickin in love. Things are going awesome.

4. My mom's chili is superb. And her lasagna too.

5. My Name is Earl is my new favorite show.

6. Jaime Pressley is hot.

7. Buster (my best friend) moved to Mexico for work. I miss him. He's on the West side so I don't think he got creamed by the hurricaine.

8. Little boys who dress up as giraffes for Halloween are adorable. We've been asking him what he wants to be for the last month, and he always says "Oh, I just want to wear a green shirt", and he would strongly veto every other suggestion. Finally we just bought him a giraffe costume, and when we finally convinced him to try it on he refused to take it off. He slept it in last night.

9. Kitten's are annoying, yet lovable. Jill got a couple of 6 week old cats who like to bite your toes. Candy and Callie. The boy named them.

10. I'm going some place warm before Christmas. Maybe Vegas.

can you o.d. on pepto-bismol?

2005-10-11T09:02:00.000-05:00

My mom is doing great and is back at work and feeling good. Prayer works.

The post show is a funny, funny site (but not at all work friendly) where two guys from NYC make hilarious sketches.

I am sick today. I have diarrhea. I don't like it at all. I think I am dying. I wrote a song about it, like to hear it? here it goes:

I got the diarrhea-
I'm writing in my online diary, yeah.
I think I'm dying,
I want to go to Wyoming.

I think I took too much Pepto-bismol. It's messing up my brain.

I'm really tired right now

2005-09-27T21:46:00.000-05:00

Mom had a heart attack yesterday. She is doing fine and recovering, but is still in the hospital. It was such a surprise because she is in such great shape, and hasn't had any health problems before. I was scared, I don't want to lose my mom. I'm a bit of a momma's boy and I love her more than anyone else on this earth. Anyway, they did a bunch of tests and the results should be back tomorrow. She may have to have surgery, which is fine with me if it helps her. I just pray that she will be okay.

Soybean harvest started last week, which is a direct cause of my absence around here. I've been working really long hours lately. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen hours a day. Should be done with the soybeans in a couple of weeks, and then on to the corn harvest. Hopefully, if things go well, we could be done by Halloween. We have about 3000 acres of grain to harvest. It's the busiest time of the year, and although I often feel burnt out during harvest, I genuinely enjoy it.

I've been trying to see Jill as much as possible lately, but it still hasn't been that often. Things have been going great between us. She actually took all of her pictures of her late husband down in her house the other day. I was surprised, because she hadn't even said anything about it to me before hand. She asked me once if the pictures bothered me, and I said no. They honestly didn't bother me and I knew she would remove them when she was ready. I think she is really ready to move on now. I'm excited. We are going to a friend of mine's wedding next weekend. I helped her pick out a cute little black dress for it, and she looks like a movie star in it.

the guy in the green jacket is a loser

2005-09-14T18:03:00.000-05:00

Want to see some real dorks?

http://www.agriculture.state.ia.us/goodneighbor/may2005.htm

Dorks.

tough boat

2005-09-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough week. Jill has been on a roller coaster, giving me mixed signals and I'm trying so hard to be patient. September was the month she got married, I think that's part of it. At times she is certain she wants to be with me, and she is the one that is pushing the relationship forward, and we are so happy. Other times she is a bit flakey and doesn't want much to do with me. It's all understandable, but the inconsistency is hard on me. I'm in a tough boat, but I also chose to be in it. Needless to say we have had a few arguments, including one last night which I feel awful about.

Everyone that I've talked to about this has the same advice. "Take it slow". "Slow down". No kidding. But, you know what, we didn't take it that slow, even though we maybe should have, and it's nearly impossible to go back in time and redo what we've said and done. I don't regret anything though. Also, we have still got a long ways to go. There's still a ton of things that we haven't talked about together (i.e. marriage and kids), and if the time ever comes we will. So it's not like we screwed up that bad.

Late last night I wrote her a letter, but I have not given it to her yet. I'm not certain I even will. Here it is.

3:54 am Sept. 9th 2005

(Jill),

I can't sleep. Guess this is how you felt the last couple of nights, huh? Perhaps this will put things more in perspective for me. I believe GOD told me to try harder to understand what you're going through. I haven't been trying hard enough. With that said,

I want to read some more of your "coping with death" books.
I want to go to the "grieving after the loss of your spouse" group sessions in Des Moines on the 3rd Thursdays of each month.
I want to talk to a counselor of some sort myself.
I want to be stronger.
I'm ready to do what it takes, whatever it may be. If that means that we take steps backwards and don't spend the night with each other anymore, I can accept that (even though that sucks).

I can't deny the negative thoughts that I've had going through my head. I've had the thought many times that it's not worth it to stay with you, that there's too many issues for me to deal with, and that I'll never understand, that we are too different. My heart doesn't believe those things though. My heart believes in us.

I will fight for you, Jill.

I prayed like crazy tonight, for you and for me, and I asked God for help. I have watched Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen and Jentzen Franklin. I still feel so uneasy because of the way we left things. When I called you back you sounded like you were so mad at me, annoyed at me, and ready to give up on me. Please don't. I was tired and cranky and wasn't feeling wanted, you were even more tired and had a big headache, it wasn't a good combo. If only I could have not said a thing and went to sleep.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. If you need time, take it. If you need me, I'm here. I knew going into this relationship that your husband's death was a big thing and that it would take a lot of time. I never could grasp how huge it really is, but I'm starting to understand more. I'm trying to understand more.

xoxo

(Fred)

overheard at the mall

2005-09-08T14:02:00.000-05:00

Lady #1: "That's really strange. I bet not very many people die on their birthday."
Lady #2: "I know. I wonder if many people are born on their birthday, too."

And she was serious. And the other lady was as equally as dim for not even understanding how dumb that statement really was. It was really hard for me to bite my lip and not say anything.

I shouldn't eavesdrop, but sometimes it is so worth it.

bad brownies

2005-08-31T17:38:00.000-05:00

Jill and I made brownies the other night, and they turned out just awful. They looked fine, but tasted as disgusting as anything I've ever tasted before. I almost vomited. They could have been a Fear Factor event. I don't know if I could have even choked them down for 50 grand. We had a laugh about how we could have screwed them up so bad. They were just Betty Crocker brownies out of a box, and we only had to add water, eggs and vegetable oil.
------------

My brother-in-law Matt is terrified of snakes. A few weeks ago when I accidentally mowed over a little black garter snake and killed it, I got an evil grin and formulated a plan. A plan to scare Matt with a snake no bigger than a shoelace. I tied the snake up above the door in Matt's shed, so that the snake would swoop down at him when he opened the door. It was genius. The funniest part about it, at least to me, is that Matt does not take jokes well. At all.

A couple of days later he left me a voicemail that simply said "You're dead, asswipe". Man, I love it how he can't take a joke. It's the funniest thing ever to me.
------------

Today I was telling me sister (Matt's wife) how Jill and I royally screwed up our brownies and they tasted like squares of shit. My sister laughed and asked if we used the Crisco. Apparently, Matt had retaliated from the snake deal. He broke into my house when I was at work(he often comes over and plays with my dog), he emptied out my Crisco and replaced it with fish sauce, and therefore causing the brownies of death.

I have to admit, that was a good one. I think he may have even edged me out on the quality of prank. Now, it's time for me to up the ante and get ready for round two.

the right way

2005-08-30T09:07:00.000-05:00

I deleted my last post about Tiffany. I reread it and it seemed really bitter and immature. I found a passage in the bible, Philippians 4:13-14, that says:

Don't let the regrets of the past destroy your hopes of tomorrow. We worship and serve a God of restoration. Accept the Lord's mercy and forgiveness, put your trust in Him and He will begin to restore what the enemy has stolen.

I needed that.

"She eats her red cake, with Fred's favorite red spoon...everybody Loves Jill."

2005-08-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

It's Jill's 26th birthday today.

I took her out to an Italian restaurant last night to celebrate. Afterwards we went out for a couple of drinks. We went home and stayed up until 2am talking in her bed. It was romantic. It was perfect.

In fact, everything is perfect between us. We get along so great and are so amazingly compatible. I have nothing to complain about at all. I'm in a state of complete bliss, delight, and peace. I'm not used to being this happy.

I got her a book, a bikini, flowers, a framed picture of her and her son, and an angel figurine for her birthday. I love this woman.

Yeah, I said it.

awkward

2005-08-22T07:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday during church, after singing a joyful song, Jill grabbed my hand and looked at me and smiled. I got a boner.

Getting a boner in church is really really weird.

not afraid

2005-08-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

I heard a lyric on the radio from a Chris Tomlin song that said "I want to love like I'm not afraid".

Love is scary. So are heights.

I like to conquer my fears.

I went bungee jumping yesterday. I was terrified out of my mind but I did it and, holy crap, it was fun.
Next up: love.

i want to cry

2005-08-17T20:32:00.000-05:00

There's 3 things that a man never, ever wants to lose. In this order:

1. His penis
2. His wallet
3. His dignity

I lost my effing wallet today. I'm freaking out, wondering how on earth I'm going to be able to function without it. My life was in that wallet. I am completely vulnerable and naked without it.

I'm not that nervous about someone else finding it and stealing my identity. I mowed today, on a riding lawnmower. I mowed approximately five acres on four lawns. Sometime during that, my wallet slipped out of my pocket, and onto the ground and is now lying somewhere hidden. You wouldn't think it would be that hard to find. It is. I searched for the blasted thing for over two hours. I don't think a blade of grass has gone untouched by my shoes, I have walked so much.

Crap, this sucks.

sundown in Iowa

2005-08-17T11:32:00.000-05:00

Last evening's sunset from my front yard.

69 dude

2005-08-15T10:26:00.000-05:00

As I was driving home yesterday, I looked down and saw this on my pickup's odometer.

And yes, of course, I took a picture of it. I'm 12 years old.

Scenes from the Fair

2005-08-12T16:41:00.000-05:00

Butter cow.

Fourth row at Switchfoot.

Shook hands with the dude when he came out in the crowd.

Jill and I. (horrible picture of me, but who's looking at me anyway?)

Fair Time

2005-08-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

Going to the Iowa State Fair today. Just a small sample of the events and activities that I plan to see:

9:00 a.m. Tallest Corn Stalk Contest
10:00 a.m. Guitar Gus and his Lucky Horse Shoo
1:00 p.m. Big Boar Contest
1:30 p.m. Ladies’ Chicken Calling Contest
2:00 p.m. The Happy Hookbills Exotic Bird Show
2:30 p.m. Outhouse Races
3:00 p.m. One-armed juggler Dale Jones
3:30 p.m. Vocal Trash
5:30 p.m. Chainsaw Carver Pat Doyle
6:15 p.m. Domino toppling
8:00 p.m Switchfoot

I'll make sure to take a picture of the life size cow made purely out of butter.

I love Iowa.

worth it

2005-08-10T01:17:00.000-05:00

She's asleep on my bed. It seems like she belongs there. I keep hitting the light on my alarm clock to catch a glimpse of her, I've never seen such a beautiful thing under Indiglo light.

Tonight was rough. She feels like she hasn't done enough grieving over her husband's death. A close friend of hers from church told her that she shouldn't be turning to another man so quickly, and that she should take time and focus on herself and on God. That really got to her. She cried hard in front of me. I just sat there and listened, not knowing what to say. I want to help so bad, but it seemed as my presence was only making things worse. She assured me that she wanted to be with me.

I almost gave up. I was so busy focusing on her problems, being impatient and trying to find a fix, that I was ignoring my own situation. Sure my problems seem tiny compared to someone who lost their husband six months ago, but it's not healthy to ignore myself completely. We talked a bit about me, for once, and things starting getting better.

We prayed together, and gave each other what will go down in my book as The Greatest Hug Ever. Then I put her bed. I'll wake her up in a little bit to take her home.

I must have read Abel's advice on dating a widow a dozen times. By some chance I ran into it a while back, and it's helped tremendously. Dating a widow is tough, but she's worth it.

Mmmm...corsets....

2005-08-08T12:54:00.000-05:00

Went to my first renaissance faire this weekend.

Almost got kicked out for trying to take a picture of me touching a mannequin's boobs. A vendor wench didn't appreciate me burrying my face into her shop's dummy's cleavage. Sometimes I can be so obnoxious.

I had no idea how seriously these medieval freaks and geeks take their medieval culture. Renaissance chicks are hot though. Weird, but hot. Women today should wear corsets more often.

My favorite was a mute guy who juggled fire while on a tightrope. I want to be this guy when I grow up.

Glory

2005-08-05T09:12:00.000-05:00

A specific bible passage has been popping up constantly in my life for the last week ago. I opened my bible right up to it the other day, I saw the same verses on Kirk Cameron's show on TBN, it was the verse of the day at verseoftheday.com, and then in church last Sunday it was in the bulletin. I know it's a fairly common passage, but it's not natural for the same exact verses to be shoved in front of me that many times, especially since I don't read the bible as much as I should. I believe God is trying to tell me something through it, but I can't quite decipher it. ???

Romans 8:31-34
³¹What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³²He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

What is so significant, for me, about these certain verses? I understand how it's saying that God is on my side and He gave the greatest gift of his Son for us, so that we could have salvation even though we are sinners. That's a summary of what Christianity is all about.

Hmmm. I think I found my answers. I was intrigued enough to study these verses. That, in turn, kind of lit a fire in me, and now I want to learn more. Awesome.

stepped

2005-08-02T23:31:00.000-05:00

I'd never dated a girl that had been married before, let alone had kids. Jill has a son that's 3. It complicates things. It's like I am dating her and her son, which is really new to me. The thing that freaks me out most is that I'm not freaked out at all.

I gave a punching balloon to him the first time I met him. We hit it off immediately, and quickly became buds. The second time I met him he ran to me, looked up at me, held up his hands and wanted me to pick him up. Jill was absolutely amazed, because he doesn't particularly like men, and has been very shy around all men, even his grandpas, since his dad died. So I have earned extreme bonus points with her there.

Here's the thing that sucks though, and yes my glass is now half empty. If we break up, it's not fair for her son, because it's not him choosing for me to be washed out of his life. Jill was cautious about this too, but wasn't expecting him and me to bond so quickly. I hope she doesn't feel like she has to be with me now.

But again, I needn't worry about that. Everything will work out. No worries, mate.

Yesterday I totally had a child's car seat in my car for the first time ever. Commitment-phobic me might have, or might not have, drove to a daycare with his milf girlfriend to pick up her son. Aye-yi-yi.

Change of subject: I am obsessed with "Rescue Me" on FX. It's the best show on tv.

the hot chick

2005-07-30T10:08:00.000-05:00

Girls like Jill do not stay single long. She's extremely hot and extremely nice, which seems to be as rare as a 1918 buffalo nickel. They usually don't date schlubs like me either. Her husband was a football player. He was huuuuuge.

I watched most of The Average Joe shows. I am an average joe. I know that the joe only gets the dream girl once out of every three times. I'm insecure and worry that this won't last long. She'll wake up one day and say "Why on earth am I with a skinny ass clumsy uneducated farmer?"

Poor me feeling sorry for myself, when I should be giving myself a high five. After all, even if this doesn't work out, I'll always be the geek who once dated a 9 and a half.

two soldiers

2005-07-27T16:16:00.000-05:00

August 1967

Jimmy was a tall, handsome, and lanky 19 year old Eagle Scout from central St. Louis. He had just finished one year of community college, and he wanted to be a pharmacist. His family was poor, and he coudn't afford to go back to college for his second year, so he decided to work for a year, to save up and put himself through college. Jimmy knew he was at a high risk for being drafted and sent off to Vietnam. Surely enough, in November of 1967, he was drafted. He wasn't afraid, as he was very patriotic and felt like it was his duty to help defend his country. His biggest worry was leaving his high school sweetheart, Lucy, who he recently was engaged to marry. Jimmy was put through basic training and was sent off to Nam shortly after.

Meanwhile, back in Iowa, a recent college graduate named Lynn (a male) had also been drafted. He was very bright and was highly recommended to attend Officer Training Camp after basic training. Lynn impressed the service and quickly became First Lieutenant, specializing in artillery. He knew that his chances of getting sent over to Nam were about 100%, and that he would most likely be on the front lines. He awaited the call while he was stationed at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri.

August 1968

Jimmy would write letters and send gifts to his family and loved ones back home. They could see his sudden transformation from boy to man, and it saddened them. It was hell over there, but he had not given up hope, as witnessed by a poem he wrote for Lucy on August 18, 1968.

Silence Stalks

Dear Love,

While I'm sitting here and silence stalks me,
I think and wonder of many different things
Some men must die and some go on living
But those that live cannot stop giving,
Their "Best", their "all" for a well-known cause.
Internal fortitude is what it takes,
To make the best of us better and
the rest of us break.
I feel that there is a just cause to die
But still I'm afraid like many other guys,
I pray to God and I'm sure you do too,
That we will soon all go home.
These are but a few that cross my mind
As silence stalks me in my spare time
Tell me what do you think of?

by
James L. Glover, Jr.

Jimmy was killed in combat on August 28th, 1968, before Lucy would even receive that poem. He would have been 21 on Sept. 3rd of that year.

Lynn, who miraculously had not been sent off to war yet, was the officer in charge of making funeral arrangements for Jimmy. Lynn met with Jimmy's family and comforted them through their time of grief. the first night he was there, Lynn was headed back to his hotel, but Jimmy's family insisted he stay with them instead. He stayed up that whole night talking to Jimmy's little sister, Claire. Lynn and Claire fell in love that night, and were married less than a year later. They are happily together to this day.

August 1982

I was out in the yard playing baseball with my cousins. My mom had been watching us from the porch, and I noticed she looked real sad. I ran to her.

"What's wrong, mommy? Why are you crying?" I asked. I remember that moment was the first time I'd ever seen my mother cry.

"These are happy tears" she said, "you just remind me so much of my brother Jimmy, your uncle. I miss him a lot. You would have really loved him."

Fred's Guidelines for dating women

2005-07-26T21:37:00.001-05:00

1. Always compliment her on the way she looks on at least the first three dates.

2. Don't get drunk or even tipsy on the first date.

3. Always pay on the first date.

4. Always show up for dates with a clean car.

5. When you hug her, tell her she smells nice.

6. Must buy her flowers before at least the 3rd date.

7. If she insists on paying on the 2nd, 3rd or following dates, let her.

8. Make the first kiss memorable.

9. There's always a minimum of 60 days after you meet her before you say the words "I love you."

10. Buy her flowers 48 hours or less after you say those three words.

could she be my wilma?

2005-07-25T22:47:00.000-05:00

I started dating a widow a little while ago.

Her husband died six months ago. She is 25 now and started dating her husband when she was 15. He's the only man she's ever been in a real relationship with. It's such a tough situation, but she is handling it remarkably well.

I'm not sure she is completely ready to start dating again. She wants to be, but she is still confused about so many things. After our first date, she said she couldn't get any sleep and felt sick for the next day. I feel so bad for her and I wish there was something more I could do. She admitted that she liked me, and felt some guilt for doing so. She was letting go of her husband a little more, and it scared her. We have decided that we are going to take everything extra slow and become good friends before anything else. I've told her that I am here to listen and to help her with anything she wants. I just need to be patient, which is something that I'm not typically that good at.

1,000 thoughts have been rushing through my head, and my mind is getting the best of me. I wonder if she is just dating me out of pure loneliness. The tone has been so serious with her, and I worry that she doesn't even know the real me. I'm not all that serious of a person. I don't want to be her rebound guy. She is special, real special. I want to be with her for a long time. I feel like I need her and she needs me. Again though, I don't want to jump the gun on this and get my hopes up.

I've just never been in a situation like this. I want so bad for it to work out. She's actually the first person I've dated in a long time too. I was in a dead end relationship for a year and a half, but have been broken up for a few months. But that's another depressing story altogether.

testing

2005-07-23T13:48:00.000-05:00

Hey. New to this blogspot thing and just messing around with it. Figuring out how to put a picture up is kinda weird. It's frustrating sometimes for computer tards like me. yeah.

me and my dino-dog